“Children of a lesser God…”

I watched Australian Story the other night.

And it messed me up.

It was about 23 year old Tara Winkler and her Cambodian orphanage.

Amazing girl. Amazing kids. (watch it here)

And I was so jealous. All I could think was…that should be me.

Isn’t that horrible?

When I headed off to Guatemala last year I honestly thought I might not come back. Maybe even hoped not. After struggling for a few years to decide what to do with my life, and after having the street children of Latin America on my heart for even more years, it felt like after taking this step of faith that it would all fall into place – that I would find my niche, that I would find my purpose. I was happy with the idea of spending my life looking after a bunch of kids that no one cared about.

But it didn’t turn out like that. I didn’t get better, I got sicker. Way sicker.

So here I am. In Australia. Studying. And life is good, and I can appreciate the value of preparation, of the how what I am learning now will be useful one day so that when I get the chance to help some kids I can help them in the very best way possible, and I realise if I don’t look after my health now…well what use am I dead.

But sometimes it just feels so pointless…as interesting as it is writing essays about Hiroshima and reading about international politics, I am losing motivation. I miss my Guatemalan girls and want to be doing something now about the injustices.

I am jealous of Tara. My age, and not just talking about helping, just doing it.

.tantrum over.

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One response to ““Children of a lesser God…”

  1. Gemma, I can appreciate what you’re feeling – not that I think I am called to mission myself (well, not mission in the way you are called to it!), but having met those Guatemala girls and having spent even a few days with those amazing children, I know how much it will be hurting you right now.

    Be encouraged that as you say, there is purpose in this. We can’t see it now, and in some cases, I doubt we ever will know the rhyme or reason for His ways. But trust that it is there. Tara is amazing, and her work is doing amazing things, but so is yours. I always think about the idea of this enormous team of harvesters – how some person will plant a teeny tiny seed and then move on. How someone else will come along and maybe water that seed, but then move on. How someone else will then feed the soil around that seed, but still move on – you get the idea. The number of seeds you will have planted out in Latin America and the number of amazing things you have already done will astonish you. Ok, you’re not there now seeing those seeds growing, but there are others in that great harvesting team who are there and who are following on that work you started.

    Trust that He will harvest, but also trust that if He has given you a heart for these children, that passion won’t be wasted. Nothing is wasted.

    Do get in touch with us here at Toybox if you fancy a chat, or even if you want to rant some more. Always ready to listen 🙂

    Stay healthy, and stay ready – you never know when He will honour His promises…

    Jess x

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